the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
