I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
