im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
