I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
