You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
