I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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