Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
