Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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