ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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