This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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