I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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