This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
