My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
