Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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