If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
