What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
