guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
