You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
