I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
