Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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