Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
