apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
