She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
