BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
