quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
