Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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