i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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