no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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