My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
