when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
