Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
