State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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