I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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