best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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