Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize