you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
