the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
