I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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