sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
