i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
