Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
