Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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