Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
