I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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