That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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