I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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