Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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