drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
