like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
