people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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