I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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