I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
