The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't put those talents on a resume
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
