Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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