we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
