I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
