All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we're so committed to being not committed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
