I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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