im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
