i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
