I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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