dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
