I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
