I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
