plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
