The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
