I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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