fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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