is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
