chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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